Many of you know me as a happy go lucky, positive girl, but rarely do I show stress. I try not to let things eat away at me, but that being said, I let things build until I have a little emotional break. I had myself one of those tonight.
My roommate Britney sat me down right before the month of May and told me she was going to move out July 1st. The morning she told me, all I could be was excited for her because she was moving in with her boyfriend who rocks and I know she wanted that next level with him. I also knew my brain wasn't processing the reality that she was moving out in that moment.
Life proceeded as normal through May and the end of the month I went to Boston. I stayed with Michael, my ex of nine years and saw so many things that I left at his place that I was about to re purchase so that I may be able to live on my own. It was the first weird feeling.
I bought new plates and pots and pans and for the first time in a year and a half thought, wow, I have stuff now. After all, moving here in a sedan I have a bedroom full of belongings only. As June went by Britney slowly unpacked her things. It is so bizarre to see your world around you so slowly being removed. I definitely had a bit of anxiety to see the place after she moved everything out.
I collected some items through free craigslist and some other free stuff I found along the way. When the day came that Britney officially moved out. I re arranged the living room to where it is so open and nice, I love looking at it! It's open and uncluttered and all mine...for once in Portland.
That being said, it isn't meant to last.
I can't afford this place on my own doing what I'm doing so lets bring you to my quest to find a new roommate. First thing I do is announce a room available on Facebook. I figure it's best to get someone who someone I know can at least vouch for. The only serious request I got was a 42 year old male massage therapist looking to move in somewhere immediately! So that was weird.
My next step is craigslist.
Hey, I did find Britney on craigslist and that worked out awesome so why not?
I post an ad and the responses I got back are these blurbs about people describing themselves and their hobbies and it all feels like online dating. Are we a match? Can we live together? After their blurbs I always look them up on Facebook and then draw some conclusion on why we wouldn't get along. This process sucks.
Anyways I end up interviewing a few girls, and finally I found a down to earth lady that I accept. It's still a little nerve racking. She's not here yet, in fact she just submitted her rental application, but I just have this fear it's going to fall through. I'm pretty sure I'm being irrational but still, as I said before -This process sucks!
Another stressor is a new relationship. In NY, after I went to Boston I visited my grandma where she asked if I had a boyfriend. I told her yes there's a man named Kellen, and she exclaimed, "Well let's see a picture of him!" I thought this was the cutest thing ever and proceeded to tell him about it, which led to the inevitable, "Is that what we are?"
There's no one else that I want to date, so I said yes. Let's attempt this love thing.
I've been avoiding anything serious after the whole Alex experience blew up in my face, so this wasn't a decision I took lightly. But hey, you gotta pick yourself up up and brush yourself off eventually.
Here's the problem. I am not really over Michael; I'm not really even over Alex; Do I have room in my heart for another? I guess I do?!
He's pretty wonderful. He gives me a lot of attention and always wants to go to new places around the city. He loves being outdoors like I do and is even a good pool player.
So......, it's officially been summer here in Portland for about a month now. Summer means the rains stop and the world becomes filled with flowers blooming everywhere, vegetables growing and days floating on the river. For me, it means no work at the convention center for 2 months. All sounds great, right? Well I don't have a roommate, and work two and a half days at a taco shop, so that is stressing me out too, ha! It shouldn't, but with no roommate 100% locked in, it does.
The other thing is my job. I mean I love working at the taco shop, but it isn't the job I imagined when I first moved out here. I want some weird job that I didn't even know existed, like cataloging wild flowers found in different parts of the country. I've never known how to properly figure out what I really want to do. It shouldn't be hard to figure out, I do stuff well and I have a lot of things I love doing, so where does any of that compute into a salaried career? I think it's just picking what I love the most. Or hate the least, I'm not sure.
In conclusion, this is a hard month for me. I'm hoping that this new roommate, Tara, works out. I hope I don't pick up another job I don't want so I can have a carefree summer. I hope Kellen is the man I need in my life right now. I hope I find stability, but just don't see it happening soon enough.
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