You mean forever....forever?

I have always known what I want.  I have always gone after the things that I want to do and want to succeed in.  That being said, I hate looking into the future.

Don't get me wrong, I adore looking forward to trips and concerts and seeing the people I love.  However, if you ask me what I want to do tomorrow night:  I am stressed out at the thought of what mood I will be in tomorrow night!  Let alone pick the place I will live and be happy in the rest of my life...

Take marriage for example: why do I want to tie myself to another human being for the only benefit of the state I live in declaring "I am married."  Who is that other human being and what will they be like in a year, let alone a month's time, or a decade.  Am I really supposed to find my best suited option?  Or my most convenient?  I just don't even understand the dream of being married.  A stressful, expensive day where you expect your friends to show up, tell you how great this other person they don't even know seems to be and how much they loved the catered food that was pumped out of a kitchen as fast as humanly possible.  And this is the norm???

Another struggle of mine is if I want to even settle down yet.

I want to travel and enjoy my life while I am fit to enjoy it.  If I stop now and start making a home, I have to stay and tend for it.  I love my apartment and I love improving it, but I love my freedom and knowing that my life is what I make of it.  My time is now to do the things I want to.  The things I can't do with a baby on my lap.

I guess I've been thinking about my future and I don't have a crystal ball so I don't know which way is up and down.

Portland is most amazing to me because of the never ending exploration of things around me.  There is so much to explore that one may never even be able to accomplish in a lifetime.

I think that picking a significant other is it's own adventure too.  You are trusting this person to give back what you put in.  And support you through gobs of emotional roller coasters.  I give credit to those that say "I do" and give it their all, but thats not who I choose to be, least not right now.

I have right now to make something of myself.  To position myself in a comfortable place where I want to be.  Yet I want to travel as much as I can...  So I need to balance working with how much I can be off somewhere else versus time I want to chill out and be home.  Maybe my best option is finding a dwelling.

I'm just ranting, because I do want to figure the next steps of my life out.  I moved to Portland on a whim and I feel like I could go elsewhere the same way.  That being said, I love vacations and I NEED to have somewhere to come home to.  I'm starting to think future thoughts all based out of the west coast so I guess I'm looking for logic.

*Oregon
*Farm
*Yurt
*Business
*Ability to travel

All things I plan on working with