MANIC

The only way I can describe the rest of Tuesday is manic ups and downs and deep breaths and mini panic attacks.

Today I had to close one bank account start another, all while explaining to some Russian woman I no longer have a permanent address nor job to speak of.  Meanwhile, she sees that I have owned a BoA card for more than ten years and have had the same email account since email has existed and "seem" like a normal person.....  Still she wishes me luck and thanks me for my business.

I meet Michael in the Canal.  It's all beautifully decorated and playing Christmas songs.  I think I had tears in my eyes before my first beer was poured.  Louise is there too recapping the events of my Farewell party there a few nights earlier.  The tears keep flowing.

Although I disclosed we were planning on having some fancy dinner, I am in no condition to be in public so Michael suggests some Maggiano's delivery. I am psyched.

After a big ole plate of salad and a half a plate of pasta and stuffed mushrooms I can't finish even a half glass of wine.  And now I feel like I am going to vomit.

Michael is cool and collected and I am focusing on not throwing up, breathing and generally 'being a normal human' procedures.

Once some of that food digests, I start packing the rest of my clothes.  Some from the laundry, some from a giant drawer of T shirts, I roll each one to hope they all can be crammed in.  As I look over how many boxes and bags I have, I am sizing up what is going to fit in my Honda Civic coupe.

Is it gonna fit????  Oh my goodness its not going to.  There is no way its going to.  How can I fit my life for the last 10 years in a sedan?  Why did I think I could pack my life into a sedan???

It takes me two hours to get over this thought and re pack/organize my clothes as I prepare a box of items I will not need immediately to have FedEx pick up later.  At this moment, I finally pull my car into the basement to figure out what actually fits.

First load...looks good. I am feeling hopeful.  Second load, contains the 24x24x12 box that I wasn't sure if I could even lift let alone fit in my car.  I slide it through slowly but surely and continue to load stuff around it.  Now I am not sure what else is going to fit.  Still have my big suitcase, my backpack and some garbage bags of clothes.  With a little organizing and reorganizing I fit it all in and think I have room my Roni as well as her suitcase, when I pick her up tomorrow.

Now I pace.

Through every room.  Rummage every closet.  Circle around till I lose track of what I'm doing and start on something else.  I probably don't sit down to relax until midnight.

Mike and I have good conversation and talk about the future.  What the heck we should do with our lives and recap the last decade of our lives.  Because I have known him for 3 months short of a decade.  We started dating about 5 months after we met.  He says he'll never date another person again because we weren't meant to fail.